THERE’S NO PARENTING rule book or child-raising manual. For the most part we just have to figure things out on our own, which is easier said than done.

Each week in our new series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out if they’re on the right track with a parenting decision, or if they’ve gotten something 100% wrong. To get a balanced view of the situation, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.

This week’s dilemma

We moved our first son to his own room at six months and he’s now a thriving three year old. Our second child turned six months last week and my partner is keen to move her out too. At this point having her there is affecting our relationship as we don’t get much sleep… but I don’t feel quite ready to let go yet. Plus we’re not planning on more kids so it may be the last time I get to experience this. Am I being unreasonable to wait a few months more?

Our parents’ anonymous responses

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I agree. Our daughter has just turned six months and we’re currently on the verge of dying a truly idiotic death (walk in front of bus, staple to head instead of picking up phone) from lack of sleep. But I don’t think I’d trade having her there for anything at present. I’m happy to wait a few months longer.

Yes, you’re being a bit unreasonable. It sounds to me as if this parent risks putting his or her own needs above those of the child. A friend said to me once that parenting can feel like you’re setting out on this journey together with your child. But really you’re not, you’re training them to do without you. Managing the progress/boundaries of that is to some extent what ‘good parenting’ is about.

No, you’re not being unreasonable at all. I’ve recently started to realise that there’s going to be a lot of ‘last times’ as a child grows up. The last time he asks me put on his shoes. The last time he asks me for a kiss before bedtime. And it makes me sad, so I can see why you’d want to hold on to something for as long as possible.

You are definitely being unreasonable. You are setting your child between you and your partner which is never good for the relationship. Plus, children are good at manipulating their parents’ weaknesses. If you don’t make clear and firm decisions from the start, parenting will become an uphill battle

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Our nine-month-old son still sleeps in a cot in our room and by 5-6am he ends up in the bed with us. We have started to sleep in different rooms every couple of nights, so that at least one of us can sleep for a few hours in a row. But we’re not in a rush to move him.

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. We shouldn’t fulfill our needs through our kids. We need to do what is best for them not us. I put my son in his own room at six weeks and was quite strict about it. However I was blessed to have a good baby that slept well, which I know isn’t the case for everyone.

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. We all love sleeping next to our loved ones. They’re only little for so long and if it’s the last child then definitely take time to appreciate the child being so young. My daughter had health issues that meant she had to sleep beside me until she was a year old. She’s now a wonderfully confident, independent child.

So what’s the final result? Is our reader being unreasonable?

No – 4
Yes – 3

Tell us your thoughts in the comments!

Do you have a parenting issue you need advice on? Do you find yourself asking if you’re being unreasonable? Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.

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